I learned at an early age that being a liar was going to keep me safe. What in the world do I mean by that? Allow me to share…
As Natural As Breathing
Even to this day, I don’t remember intentionally lying about things. I see now that lying was a safe guard and it became as natural as breathing. When I was 4 years old my molester assured me that I would be kicked out of my house if I told the truth. Therefore, I concluded that if I told a lie and covered the truth I could stay with my family. This would later be seal and confirmed, unknowingly, with the words of my parents, “What happens in this house stays in this house.”
Does that make any sense? To a four-year-old the whole event made no sense. I had no previous event to compare what happened with, so the adult’s word must be truth. To this day my dad will reference how much I lied. I realize now that lying meant that I was safe. However, that was not the reality of the situation at all.
When It Did Not Help
Sometimes lying was not my friend. I remember a friend in my 4th grade classroom was standing by the teacher’s desk and I saw him slip his hand up her skirt. This was a Christian school, so dresses were what we wore. I don’t remember how it all played out, but I told someone in the office about it. I do remember that I got in trouble for telling. As I recall, I was punished. As an adult my dad told me that they didn’t believe me because I lied a lot. No, unfortunately that was not a lie. But again, the seal was placed on my beliefs that telling the truth got me nowhere. It was the lies that kept me safe.
If I could go back now with the adult knowledge I have gained, I would tell that little me to be bold and speak up because Chester was a liar! His false words turned the life of a little girl upside down. Sometimes I feel like that little girl is lost to me forever.
It was in Yeshua/Jesus that I found freedom in The Truth and telling the truth. Today it has become so important to me that I despise lies. My healing has only come through Yeshua’s love and grace. The Ruach Hakodesh/Holy Spirit has been teaching me many things on the topic as I open myself up and listen. Praise Adonai that I have freedom from lying!
More On The Topic
More on the topic of my sexual abuse by a family friend… Click the link to go there now. https://justcallmedana.wordpress.com/2017/11/18/child-sexual-abuse-through-my-eyes/
To Order My Book VENGEANCE
I also wrote a book called VENGEANCE based on my own story of childhood sexual abuse. To order your copy from Amazon, click on the picture below.
NOTE: The above events are my perception of things and memories as I remember them.